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Well, it all seems kind of funny...but it hurts to much to laugh; She got the
gold mine...I got the shaft! - from a song by Jerry Reed
In my home city of Indianapolis, Indiana, we have a pro football team known as
the Colts. At the close of the "98 season, they finished 3 and 13 on the record
books. In 1999, they achieved at least a 13 and 3, with a solid shot at the NFL
play-offs in 2000. The secret to this miracle change? Two well-known
principles of life: 1. Doing what it takes to turn a loss into a gain, and: 2.
Rebuilding into winning form.
Brothers, it we could sit down together and crack open a cold, frosty root beer,
I could tell you my tale of woe about my 1990 divorce, and you could tell me
yours. Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's holidays serve as reminders of
the contact I have lost with my children. Your tale might be just as tragic, if
not more so. Divorce is a loss in one's life, whether it takes place on
reasonable or unreasonable grounds. You feel as if you have been hit by an
incoming missile. Don't waste your time trying to 'get even', fantasizing what
if? or comparing yourself to your ex's new love. Spend your time healing and
preparing to move on.
A former drug rehab. counselor one told me the secret behind his success in
turning former addicts into useful, productive citizens. "I let them tell me
their tale of woe only once. Then we work on solutions and don't wallow in the
problem."
Our feminized culture has duped us into believing that it takes inordinate
amounts of counseling to 'get through' a divorce. When you lost your job, did
you spend huge amounts of time in therapy or counseling? Or did you handle the
task at hand? You picked yourself up, took the resume writing classes, searched
the want ads, made sure to contact your network of friends, and allowed time to
put your temporary failure into perspective. Eventually, that new job came to
you - or, at least, a job came to help you survive while you kept looking for
that dream job.
One of men's strength is our ability to persist through adversity. Real men
don't spend inordinate amounts of time in 'Pity Gap." We take the time needed to
heal. Then, like our forefathers, we march out to face a new day. Yes, we may
be a little timid at first, and the wounds may be tender, but life goes on. We
must be prepared to go on with it.
In 1995, "The Eagles" recorded a song that addressed the whiney, spineless, and
victim hood attitude of our times. Tired of no one accepting responsibility for
their actions, they recorded: "Get Over It!" If you can get a copy, listen
carefully to the words.
From a biblical point of view, divorce is not an unforgivable sin. Yes, God
does hate divorce, as the scriptures state in several places. However, in the
Book of Hosea, God divorced Himself from the nation of Israel because they
failed to heed His commands. In the books of Ezra and Nehemiah, divorce courts
were established among the Old Testament Hebrews, because they married men and
women that they should have not married. Check it our yourself! Jesus Himself
was confronted with the divorce issue. He outlined the biblical standard, but
emphasized God's forgiveness. Men and women were created with the ability to
make choices - with free will.
Many church leaders and denominations treat the divorced worse than other
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